A Public Health model Approach:

Well being      Distress             Crisis

Recognize      respond             Refer

National mental health trends: 

    Overwhelming anxiety:

46.4% in 2010

63.4% in 2018

37% increase

Protective Factor 1

1. Understanding their world

                -   The Performance Arms Race

                                        -   Pressure we put on them to take great grades

2. Very sedentary generation

                -   Not getting enough exercise

3. Social awareness and Media responsibility

                -   2000 american child will have 2000 photos of them before age 2

                -   Life is to be documented, not to be lived

4. Our ethos is comparison

                -   They don’t know how they (parents) failed, just see the top of the iceberg

                -   They need to know that it’s ok to fail

5. What kids say they need from us

                -    Meaning beyond oneself

                -    Hope of success

                -    Social connection

                -    Satisfying work

                -   A place to process in peace

                                -    Enough sleep

Protect Factor 2

Get out of the way

                -    Coping and resiliency skills

                -    Don't Report Report Report -- go tell adult every thing and get help from adult everytime

                -    Never have the opportunity to solve the problem

                -    Dignity

                            -   Every day their (children's) dignity is being challenged

                            -   Is my child socially confident enough?

                -    Transform vs. Transmit

                            -    Humans transform pain or transmit pain

                            -    Kids do not have the maturity to not transmit pain

                -    School-level

                            -    Difference between dignity and respect

                            -    Respect: mutual admiration for another

                            -    Dignitas - the inherent worth

                            -    Dignity is not negotiable

                                            -   "I'm not going to negotiate who am I"

Protective Factor 3

                -    Understanding the development of the brain

                -    Balance digital candy and vegetable

                -    The direct impact of screen time

                            -    Dulling of senses

                            -    Verbal-emotive skills

                            -    Physically sedentary

                            -    Physical touch is limited

                            -    Isolated

Protective Factor 4

            I want to be seen, heard loved

            Trust: I am ok, adults are ok, the world is ok

            Let your face be your thought/voice

                    -    Don’t be still face always

            Behavior is a symptom of unmet emoitonal needs

            Emotion means energy + me in motion

            My brain is ready to respond to threats to my freedom, safety, connection

Vulnerability + Validation = Connection

"Parents just don’t understand me"

Get vulnerable with your kids and validating who they are

                -    say：“Wow that must be hard”

Sympathy and empathy

                -    Empathy: fuels connection -- feeling with people

                            -    “You are not alone”

                -    Sympathy: Drive disconnection 

                            -   “Oh, it’s bad.”

                            -   Stop saying “at least”